I was having a nice long online chat with a good friend today, and we chanced upon the topic of my move. And how she felt about it.
"So jealous" she says
And I thought to myself, why I've been jealous of her too. Of her travelling, being so mobile, being so adventurous. Of her having found a great man, a partner who is willing to travel with her. Ive been jealous of my other friends who decided to take a leap of faith and take on a new job, a new geography. A new life.
I know that inside, we are truly deeply happy for our friends, and wish them nothing but greatness, success. But a part of us will be, and will ask
"why not me?"
Ive come to realize over the past few weeks, months, a year or two even. Sometimes I do get consumed by this insane irrational feeling. It isnt so much jealousy as it is anger and frustration at the injustice the world throws at you. You feel that you too deserve what others are getting. That that other person doesnt deserve it, hasnt even worked as hard at it, hasnt even tried, and somehow the universe just delivers things on a silver platter to them.
Is life greener on the other side? Yes, some of my friends may envy the life I am about to embark on, but lets face it. I have no idea if this would be great or the worst year of my life. I have no idea if Im about to be kidnapped in Europe, or have the best dancing time in Africa. I have no idea if this would be the start of something brand new.
But at the same time, I also realized... I cant live in limbo like this. Constantly waiting for the next big milestone to symbolize the start of a new life, the challenge of something new. Life doesnt start now, life IS now. And we all need to embrace it, and look at the details of our lives for the things we should appreciate more.
By the way, that green eyed monster? Stare deep into its eye, ask yourself what is it that you are really worried about? be honest, admit jealousy if it really is that... and you will realize. The minute you identify it, that green eyed monster - he isnt so scary anymore
I've been there too you know... looked at other's lives and thought - damnit why can't I have THAT? In a sense the grass is always greener, but it's also about spinning it positively - if you see something someone else has that you want, see what you can do to achieve that too. And I think that life is a circle - at some points it'll be fab, and at others it'll be shitty, but it's just a cycle. So like you say, just make the best of what life IS right now.
ReplyDeleteIt can be the best year, the worst year or just boring (it won't!), but the key is that you experienced it, good or bad. Right? Here's to more adventures, my dear!
PS: I'm still jealous :P