An epic love story

It started like the biggest cliche.

I sat alone in the cafe eating my sandwich, drinking a cup of coffee, reading a book. I am loner most of the time now, by choice if not anything else. I like the pleasure of my own company, of solitude. Of being able to change my plans whenever I want, pick up and leave whenever my heart feels like it.

I paid and walked out of the cafe realizing that it was raining. Heavy raindrops on my head. I should have stayed inside, drank another cup of coffee, read another chapter of my book. Stayed inside to be warm. Instead, I had already made my bed as you may call it, so I walked on. Numerous things on my mind, errands to run, groceries to buy.

The rain kept on coming down heavier, until I knew I had to run in somewhere else, so I turned right, into the first shop I spied. I walked in, covered in rain, my bulky down jacket and my disheveled hair. I was paid no heed, this dripping wet girl in her unfashionable jacket.

I walked to the counter corner, looking at the wares on display, when the salesgirl turns around and places something in front of the customer next to me. I felt the calling, the strong urge, so I turned...

and fell madly in love

It was 50% off!!!

Hello baby

For now

I am writing again. This time though, I am writing a story. A long winded, confusing story that I have intertwined with parts of my life and part of my creation. I am lost, working on it, breathing it, living it. The words flow out of me like an unebbing river. I lose track of time, and I realize the story. The story. Is all that I think about these days.

Perhaps this is what it is, to love what you do so much that you never notice the time. That really, in all honest, all I want to do is sit here and finish this story, just hash it out completely. I dont want to stop until its all out of me, all my words, all my ideas.

The story is there, in my head. I just need to get it on to paper now, and perhaps one day, if Im really really lucky. You might be able to read it too

European winter

I am slowly trying to settle in, though I have yet to move into my permanent residence. Instead, I am left here writing on the top floor in small hotel with a great view into the backyard. Spying into the real moments of Dutch life, a group of people drinking wine together in the dining room on a Friday night, teachers standing in front of a white board teaching groups of students. A pink sunrise behind the clock tower.

Im about to head back to Malaysia for a little bit. Two meetings back to back back in Asia. After that, I return to Europe, and for how long this time, I have no idea.

I have walked all over Amsterdam, and I am looking forward to cycling around the city as well. My office is in the middle of a beautiful forest area in Zeist and I spend every morning cycling for five minutes through the fall foliage from the train station in. The greatest way to start any day.

I plan non-stop in my head. As soon as I unpack, as soon as I settle in, I will be back on my itchy feet, wandering around Europe. I am hoping to do a new country at least once a month and am thinking of starting it off with a Viennese ball. What could be prettier, than a beautiful winter in Vienna. After all, if youre going to be freezing cold, you might as well be freezing cold in a city with great music, snow, bright lights and light feet.

In February I plan to head off to Norway and to spend the winter staring up up into the sky, watching the Northern lights dance away across the sky. I had always wished that I would be able to see it with my someone special, if I was lucky enough with that someone special for the rest of my life. But then again, I am someone special, so I might as well treat me to the worlds most magical show.

I am still at lost for March - perhaps I shall take on my friends offers and visit Germany or Prague or Slovakia. Or perhaps I wont need to choose between all three of it.

Come April I think I should try to stay put. It is supposed to be beautiful here too by then, the time when people start flocking back into the city. Short trips all around Netherlands, short trips perhaps to Belgium as well.

May comes my last month here, and I leave no plans for it just yet.

New years just around the corner, should I try to ring in the bell from London? this time making sure I make the celebratory fireworks, rewriting my London New Years of 2004 that was spent indoors watching a re-run of the Friends finale.

Finally

I am finally here. The crisp clean air, and bright sunshine welcomes me to my first day in Amsterdam. Fortunately I managed to sleep quite a bit on my overnight 12 hours flight into this city, and have evaded jet lag quite a bit.

The orange, browns and greens of leaves on the ground,with the sunlight shining through invites me back to Europe. Oh how I have missed you. Amsterdam is quieter. And I almost laugh out lout with glee at the sight of all the bicycles cruising by. I feel like an ant here. I am about a head shorter than almost everyone on average and wearing my high heels no longer an option.

I walk. After all its the best way to feel a city, feel its heartbeat. I walk over bridges and canals with their boats moored by. I walk through the boulevards with leaves falling gently down on me. I cannot wait to have my coffee outside, wrapped in my long wool jacket.

My fashion sense needs to be re-wired and it takes me much much longer than my usual 10 minutes to get dressed to assess what would keep me warm. For now, function (semi) triumphs over fashion.

I am reminded so much of Paris. I cannot wait to return to my European cliche. As I walk around, I am still astounded. It is taking a while to sink in. But this is it. I live here now. I belong in Amsterdam.

It has been a while since butterflies last floated through my stomach. This is it. I have returned, and I cannot wait for the adventures to begin.

A forever ago

I look back and realize, I was in love with you a forever ago, but I am still in love with the me I have become.

***

The truth of the matter is, I detest... ABSOLUTELY detest, women who make a decision for a man. I know women who are willing to move to a new country, drop everything at the drop of a hat when a man asks them too.

Im not talking about long term commitments here, Im talking about women in short term relationships here.

And you know what, besides that, I detest women who stick with a boyfriend even when they no longer love them. Who hold on because life alone is that much more scary. Those who hold on to someone, find someone else, and THEN only break up with the first guy. Those who need to be needed to be validated

Adding to that list are women who go around NON-STOP looking for man. Women who would go and pick up ANYONE just to try and find something... someone, to fill in that lonely gap in their heart. Women who cant look in the mirror and realize how truly amazing they are, and that if a man can't see that, than too bad for them, but if she cant see how amazing she is, how devastating for her.

Im just cranky right now. And ranting
*RAWR*

Sometimes in life things dont necessarily go your way

I was having a nice long online chat with a good friend today, and we chanced upon the topic of my move. And how she felt about it.

"So jealous" she says

And I thought to myself, why I've been jealous of her too. Of her travelling, being so mobile, being so adventurous. Of her having found a great man, a partner who is willing to travel with her. Ive been jealous of my other friends who decided to take a leap of faith and take on a new job, a new geography. A new life.

I know that inside, we are truly deeply happy for our friends, and wish them nothing but greatness, success. But a part of us will be, and will ask

"why not me?"

Ive come to realize over the past few weeks, months, a year or two even. Sometimes I do get consumed by this insane irrational feeling. It isnt so much jealousy as it is anger and frustration at the injustice the world throws at you. You feel that you too deserve what others are getting. That that other person doesnt deserve it, hasnt even worked as hard at it, hasnt even tried, and somehow the universe just delivers things on a silver platter to them.

Is life greener on the other side? Yes, some of my friends may envy the life I am about to embark on, but lets face it. I have no idea if this would be great or the worst year of my life. I have no idea if Im about to be kidnapped in Europe, or have the best dancing time in Africa. I have no idea if this would be the start of something brand new.

But at the same time, I also realized... I cant live in limbo like this. Constantly waiting for the next big milestone to symbolize the start of a new life, the challenge of something new. Life doesnt start now, life IS now. And we all need to embrace it, and look at the details of our lives for the things we should appreciate more.

By the way, that green eyed monster? Stare deep into its eye, ask yourself what is it that you are really worried about? be honest, admit jealousy if it really is that... and you will realize. The minute you identify it, that green eyed monster - he isnt so scary anymore

Dutch immersion class #2

Dance!

So I was with my team one late evening after work, when my colleague suggests we take a break and loosen up a bit with dance. I thought, ok. And then they played this song

Famous song

And then they danced.

I was cracking up like a madman. Apparently nobody really cares how you look like when youre dancing (which is my fav type of dancing btw). They all just shuffled and hopped and moved around in their own world. U can go a little crazy as well. But apparently, it all boils down to footwork. Dutch people tend to dance more with their feet than anything else. Ive tried looking for a youtube of a typically group of Dutch dancing, but couldnt find one.... I guess Ill just have to try and secretly video my colleagues, or wait till Im in Amsterdam!